There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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