it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
