Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
