My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
