I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
