Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
