its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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