Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
