she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
