the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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