Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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