You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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