so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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