Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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