How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
