Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
