btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
