You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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