I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The air taste purple.
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