trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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