Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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