I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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