i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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