Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
