Banned from zoo.
Again?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
