good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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