eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
