where am i from again
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
