You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
