i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
