i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
