You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
