What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
