So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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