no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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