I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
where are my eyebrows?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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