God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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