i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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