I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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