I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
