I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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