Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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