plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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