That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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