"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
