You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
