i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
