I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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