nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
