Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
