On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he just fucked me for my cheese.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
