I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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