THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
