I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you will always have a special place in my vag
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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