i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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