He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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