So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
