I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
