There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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