She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
