i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
