I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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