Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
