Midget sex pt 2 tonight
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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