Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize