We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
