So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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