youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize