there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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