This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
