Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
